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One of the things that I hear a lot is "I'm worried about my friend"... and I get asked by a lot of teenagers that I work with:
What can I do to help my friend, who is drinking too much/ taking drugs/ acting differently to what they used to and so on.
These teenagers are really worried about their friends. The fact that you are worried about your friend is great – they are lucky to have a good friend like you.
However it can also be very difficult and stressful to support a friend.
Your friend has to be ready to make changes
If your friend is not ready to make these changes - as in they are not ready to admit to having a problem or genuinely feel they don't have a problem, you cannot force them to address their issue or make changes.
Your friend may not even be willing to talk about anything to do with the issue yet – they may be scared, they may be angry, they may feel isolated, they may feel different, or they may feel they genuinely don't have a problem and that you are worrying about nothing...
This can at times feel quite frustrating, it can place a strain on your friendship and may make you worry even more!
One of the best things that you can do for your friend is to just be there and be there for support - and let them know this too.
Talk to them
Certainly bring up the topic that you are concerned about, in the right moment, when it is private and quiet maybe. Tell them you're only worried about them because you care about them.
If you have any examples of your friends' behaviour that has caused you to worry – bring these up to support what you are saying, in a nice manner, not judgemental manner.
Let them know that you are there for them – to talk to, get support. Maybe also acknowledge that this is hard for you to talk about too – as you're worried how it may go.
Be honest and warm and caring – as you are with your friends!
Maybe also tell them that they don't have to talk to you – just as long as they know you are there for them, and that you will listen and not judge them.
Ask your friend what they need from you so you can help support them.
Find HelpMake sure you know the services and places that can help your friend – in case they do tell you they have a problem and don't know what to do. Offer to go with them to the service, or appointment if they are scared.
Have some pamphlets about alcohol/ drugs for them to read. Have some pamphlets about the services available to help that you can give your friend.
Be aware of safety information that you can share with your friend.
You as supportIf your friends decide to stop drinking or cut back, or stop using drugs – help them to find other things to do, that don’t involve this. Maybe you can do stuff together.
Be careful though – do not to take on the role of the only support for your friend, or a counselling role. This often gets very complicated and places you under stress. The best way it can work – your friend gets support from a specialist alcohol / drug counsellor/ service and your role is as the wonderful supportive friend.
If your friend gets in real trouble and does not want to get help or tell someone – i.e., she is raped or assaulted whilst under the influence of alcohol or drugs, you may decide that you need to tell someone about this, even if she refuses – her emotional, physical and mental health may be at risk over what happened.
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Keep Safe